A while back I wrote a blog about how I wanted to find the one for me, exactly what I wanted him to be like and all that jazz. Little did I know at that time that I was kind of putting myself in a bit of a bad place I think. I thought that was a good idea for myself and a part of me still thinks it is. I still know thats what I want in someone for me. But like I was telling a friend recently I've gotten to this point in my life where I shouldn't be in a relationship. At least I don't want one right now and that doesnt mean all I want to do is go around and make out and flirt 24-7. I dont even want that. I need some time to be myself and with myself. When the right guy comes along I want him to suprise me. I want him to be able to change my mind about relationships and make me want to change this whole self imposed single time in my life and want me to be with him. The last few times I've gone out and partied or gone out to events I haven't gone looking for guys and looking to flirt I've gone to have fun with my friends or gone just to have fun plain and simple. I didn't want some guy on my arm that night. I had more fun those nights than I had for a long time when its just me and my friends its way more fun than trying to find a man. Yes 1 day I want to fall in love but honestly I can wait it out for now. I'm having way to much fun being single and enjoying life. So until the right one comes along and can change my mind I'm gonna keep doing what I do lol.

Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: Foo Fighters-Skin and Bones

A formal apology to certain people and trends:

I'm sorry I dont make my life around a certain scene
I'm sorry I dont take noods in my bathroom 
I'm sorry I dont tell you that I am taking noods, because in reality I'm not
I'm sorry it doesnt look like a skunk is lying on my head
I'm sorry it doesnt look like a bag of skittles on my head
I'm sorry I dont have a piercing in every part of my body I can think to put one in
I'm sorry I dont have a rad chest piece or a tight throat tat
I'm sorry I dont have a billion tattoos
I'm sorry I dont dress like everyone else in the room
I'm sorry I dont say skeek, bree, or stuff like that in every other sentence
I'm sorry I dont get in the pit every song and about knock a bitch out
I'm sorry I'm not drunk every night
I'm sorry I dont pretend to fall into your cliche
I'm sorry I dont fit into your ideal image of your ideal girl
I'm sorry I'm not some slut who will fuck you at the drop of a hat
Just accept me for who I am and not for who I'm not cause I'm not gonna change who I am just to please you 
I've done way too much and tried  way too hard 
I was fine with who I was and than you came along and threw me into the scene and all of a sudden I feel more pressure than I did in high school to be someone I'm not and I'm tired of feeling that way so fuck it I'm not changing. 
Either except me for who I am or dont I could really care less.

*This is not meant to be a insult at anyone's looks directly this is just my opinion and point of view on current trends and lifestyle movements, and some of that stuff is meant to be funny and some of it is true and some of it is just how i think it would look on me so take some of it with a grain of salt and just accept it.- Megan

Tags: conformity
Current Location: in that little box you want me to fit in
Current Mood: annoyed
Current Music: ryan adams

Normally I dont come right out and state problems like this right out usually i write around it and use metaphors but I cant sit here and bullshit
I cant sit here and be your friend anymore it's been 3 years and shit changed for a little while but now you've gone and become worse than you ever where when you were on heroin back in the day. I get a phone call today telling me that you got out of rehab and you're all better well guess what we called the rehab turns out your strung out ass got kicked out for having pills on the down low. Dude what the fuck all this work and effort to stay clean for 3 Fucking Years! and you throw it away you even sold a gift that is valued at $20,000 and bought drugs with it you make it so hard to stand up and defend you and be your friend when you go and do this shit! this is the 12 time you got out of rehab this is bullshit! im over it I have stood by you since day one and i have always helped you and stood by you the first time you decided to get clean but this time i cant do it. your whole 3 years of work and writing a book saying doing drugs are bad and you're glad you're clean and your no more fucking heroin, well goddamit brandon you fucked up even your best friends since you were kids says if you feel bad for him and want to help him send him flowers cause hes on heroin and hes gonna die and normally i would say dont say that, because hes your best friend but sadly this time hes right im scared the next phone call i get is gonna tell me that its official and i dont want that phone call! im tired of this shit the day i get the phone call saying youre dead which is the phone call i thought i was getting today from someone else about you but i dont know what to do anymore your sending your life straight into a needle straight into your veins and im ready to pull my hair out im not doing this anymore. im sorry i wish i could be your friend but i cant do it anymore even if you clean up and get your shit together its over and it breaks my heart to say it

Current Location: the floor
Current Mood: crushed
Current Music: When it Rains-Paramore

I feel like I now have to prove myself to some people because of the constant rain of doubt placed on me. From my job, my future, my boyfriend, and my life in general, I have reached a point where I have to prove myself in every way to prove those people wrong and that these are the right decisions that I have made. Im not making these decisions for anyone else Im doing what makes me happy. I have a job that pays me really well, opitions for my future that will actually bring about good things, a boyfriend who was a real friend first and than over time we both learned more about each other and became closer over time and are now two people who both care about each other and know that this is the right thing for both of us, and my life right now even with its downs is actually pretty good I  mean hell if sitting downstairs, drinking in the dark with only my ipod to keep me company can make me relax and happy than I guess things arent that bad.

Current Location: kitchen floor
Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: citizen cope

There's a fire in my brain 
And a rhythm in my fingers
The tapping of the keys
and the flowing music fill the room
I've learned my lesson this time 
I wish I didnt hate you right now 
But now its harder than ever not to 
I want to burn this bridge and leave you behind
But you make it hard but using the F word
Friendship is two people with a common interest
I dont know what you think our common interest is but damn if i dont
Im done sitting back and just allowing you to do what you please
I wont be there for you and 
I wont be used anymore
Im done being your whipping girl
This was a mistake Im continually learning my lesson from
It's a  good thing this song is making more sense than ever
Cause right now I dont know what I would do without a little sympathy
I'm drowning you in a pool of memories and leaving you for the future
I wonder how I stayed stuck on this for so long
I tried holding on to the past and waiting for you to change your heart
But unlike the evolving trends followed by the masses you never changed
You exchanged your heart and soul for the one person you hate
If I ever start to think those warm and fuzzy thoughts again I'll just listen to that song
And read this to remind me

Current Location: Floor
Current Mood: cold
Current Music: Paramore-Thats What You Get

Lately I dont know what to think, I kind of feel like Im in a confussed place. But not to rant but Im sick of certain people bitching to me and than coming off all friendly im really sick of hearing it dude! Get over it! Move on and live, or as a guy once said kill yo self! But seriously I dont mind it when my friends tell me their problems its cool im there for them but lately ive been trying to deal with my own thing and its just not working and I wish I could tell someone what happened the other day but I cant. Maybe soon I can go back to completly happy but lately Ive been very happy Ive been spending alot of time with Wes and we get along really well and thats a really good thing especially for me.  I dont have to pretend to be someone or something else and he sticks up for me and takes care of jerk-offs but yeah things are going well with him.

Current Location: the vanity
Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: The Vincent Black Shadow